THOU SHALL NOT JUDGE THY MOTHER....

June 5th or 6th, 2010....

Finally he is letting me out of the house! Ok, Us... About two days after being choked, slapped, spit on and more, I was Allowed to leave the apartment we "Shared." Mimi seemed un-phased by the whole situation. I can honestly say that she was a happy baby. I did my best to appear Normal... 

That morning while getting dressed, I got up the courage to look in the mirror for the first time since he had hit me in the face, several times... I had a beautiful purple and blue eye that was starting to turn black. This is the time I wished I would had paid attention to my mother during her make up sessions she Tried to have with me. I packed on as much of that Mess as I could. But it just wasn't working... I smiled because even though I was in pain, I felt silly putting on make up. I don't ware it. 

He called "What's taking you so long?" "What? You worried you didn't put on enough to cover your eye?" He then said before he even saw me... "LOOK at You, you missed a spot!" I braced myself for another blow but all he did was walk away laughing... 

When we entered the library that Bright, Sunny day, I didn't realize how noticeable it was... I walked up the counter to ask about a book I was interested in or something and I remember the woman's face when she looked at me... She began to smile but that smile was quickly replaced with concern and worry. Fear for me is what I saw in her eyes. She saw my abuser and baby behind me and quickly went to look for what I had requested... 

I'll never forget that day or the others. But this one sticks out to me the most because for Years I was so tough on my own mother and her experiences with domestic violence. I would call her weak and a coward because of her lack of willingness to leave or get help... But when I saw how that woman looked at me, with my child, and my black eye that I had Failed at hiding, I had to ask myself... "Is this what my own mother went through?" "Did she feel the same shame and guilt that I am feeling?" "Was she worried about Me just as I am about my own daughter, Her grand daughter?" 

That is when I grew up and stopped hating my mother... That is when I stopped blaming her because I now knew what it was like to fear for your own life and that of your childs. I now knew what it was like to be under the control of a man who was hell bent on beating you for not doing as he had told you. And I am now learning the reasons as to why she didn't reach out for help like most might have told her...

To my mother, if you ever read this... I am so sorry for being so hard on you. The only way for me to make things right is for me to stay away from my own abuser and to protect your grand daughter, go to college and graduate, and to have a career so that I can give her a good life. I stay in this fight to get us back home to you because your grand daughter was ripped from you. You have been there for the past four years despite our rocky relationship and for that, I could never deny you your grand baby. She loves you mom... I really am sorry for judging you.. 

HE LEFT HER PURPLE AND BLUE JUST LIKE ME...

November 3, 2013 is a day I will never forget. My sister went to pick up my daughter from her father that day. The pick up point was a few blocks away and I trusted my sister to pick her niece up without any issue. Just as I knew my sister, who was/is 18 at the time, brought her niece back to me unharmed and happy.

That night my sister, and daughter and I walked home from a friends home a few blocks away. My boyfriend arrived a few moments later. Things seemed fine until I began bathing my daughter... I had noticed that she had a noticeable purple and blue bruse on the right of her bottom. I didn't panic because I knew Mimi would feel scared or began to feel pressure, so I causally asked her what happened...

Mimi said "Daddy hit me on my butt and put me in the shower and put me in bed." I said ok and then changed the subject to what she wanted for dinner and the new toy I had just bought her. As I continued to wash bathe her and talk to her, I was dying inside. How could he hit her so hard to the point that she turned PURPLE AND BLUE?! What did she do that was That bad?! She is just a child, not an adult out to harm you!

I didn't bother to call him. I didn't take her to the hospital or call the police. I was Terrified of being blamed for something I could never do to my baby. So instead, I took pictures of the area and wrote a statement to keep on hand. I didn't report it to CPS until about two weeks later. Again, I was afraid. Knowing that the courts had it in for me already and a CPS worker altered documents to suit her personal feelings towards me, I didn't trust that I would not lose my daughter...

I explained what happened to the CPS worker and social worker. After both women spoke with my abuser, they both stated that he denied doing such a thing. All I could do was cry. What if the daycare would have seen the mark on my daughter and assumed I caused it??? My daughter would have been ripped from me and traumatized because of this. I tried so many times to warn my lawyers and the courts that this would happen. They didn't listen. They never listen... How many more years do I have to sit back praying that my child doesn't come home hurt by her father. This is not the same as playing at the playground and getting a scrape or bruse. This was deliberate and he and his girlfriend knew that this took place in their home...

But, if I bring this into court, as usual I will be accused of trying to keep her away from her father. I feel as though I can't win... God please get us back home to Chicago, Il....

IN DESPERATE NEED OF AN ATTORNEY!! PLEASE HELP, SINCERELY DETERMINED MOTHER ...

At first glance, many will say that I seem angry and hard to approach. I always tell them that if I carried those very same thoughts about people my whole life, I wouldn't have made the mistakes I've made that have led me to some of the most amazing people I've met in life...

I'm "Helena", mother to an amazing little girl named "Mimi." Mimi was born in the state of Florida where I met "Him." During my pregnancy I had experienced domestic violence. I stayed because I was afraid of losing my daughter. My ex had made threats on all of our lives and I didn't feel as if the police would believe me if I had made the decision to seek help should I had left him because of my staying. Once my ex was picked up on probation violation, I had left for Chicago, IL. 

Back home in Chicago, my daughter and I began to develop a relationship with our family. With the new and unexpected support from family, I began setting realistic goals and seeking resources during those times when I would need them. My ex, her father called and convinced me to come to New York State to "start over." He made promises to never abuse me again and even stated that he would seek help before we were to marry. I had no idea he had been laid off from his job or was planning to began a whole new life while I took on the role as being a new single mother. 

The last time he hit me I knew it was life or death. June 5th 2010 was the longest day ever... The blows to my temples and head were swift but hard. And that's not even the half of it. I did what any desperate woman would do and prayed to God. I told God that I didn't want a way out of the situation but a way Through the situation. I prayed for safety, for emotional stability, and for him to stay gone long enough so that when the time came, I would be able to leave without taking another beating. 

I left about three weeks later. From that point on it was shelters, court dates and trying to find some sort of income before I sought higher education. Over time it seemed as if things would be ok until He began calling and verbally abusing me over the phone. I tried to reason with him but it never worked because he wanted what he wanted. The threats came to take Mimi away but I kept pushing on. I was determined to get situated. He violated the protection order October 25th of 2011 with the help of his girlfriend. Everything that I had worked for and was working towards seemed would pushed back because I had to go into hiding, again.

Sometime in March or April of 2012 I had had enough. I was afraid of him finding us again and knew that the harassment from him would began once the visitation started. I packed up what little we had and left the state of New York and returned to Chicago, Il. Fortunately for Mimi and I, my mother and sisters and even my mothers boyfriend support us emotionally still. I found a job and Mimi had an amazing daycare that she enjoyed and that I had approved of. I would even volunteer there on my days of or before work. 

In May of 2012 I was told that I had to return to New York or lose custody to my abuser and his mother. I could stay in Chicago but my daughter that I had raised alone would be separated from me and I from her. This is what Goshen Family Court was/is willing to do based upon their "expertise" regarding situations like mine, domestic violence. I really wish they could be on this end...

Upon my return to NYS, I had found and lost jobs, had been denied childcare and housing, and entered an unexpected battle to keep my child with me all due to the poor representation from my lawyers, the unwillingness to allow me as a domestic violence victim have a voice in court, and the assumption that I was the typical single black mother who was incapable of raising her child due to "mental illness." I had a rough childhood and the CPS worker, SV twisted and falsified information to suit her unethical intentions instead of providing the help that Child Welfare/CPS/ACS claims to want to provide.

Of course there is more to each section of this piece. If you have made it this far I sincerely thank you for doing so because now I am finally going to help you to understand the point of this and what it is that I am fighting for.

For the past four years I have lived here with my daughter. I have raised her as a single mother sacrificing every single day to provide for her. My daughters father has avoided accountability due to my lack of understanding of this new situation, not knowing what I could ask for or what to fight for in court, and the courts refusal to hold him accountable as well.

My wish is to return back to Chicago,IL so that I can have the opportunity to attend Columbia College. Columbia College of Chicago has an amazing four year bachelors program in sign language. I first learned sign language in the sixth grade and absolutely loved it! I went to the Everest institute for Medical Assisting and graduated a B honor. I feel that combining my love for the field of medicine and my passion for helping others communicate through American Sign Language would not only allow me to work my dream job but to also provide an amazing life for my beautiful daughter. 

Upon returning to Chicago, IL, not only would I have the opportunity to obtain a degree that is very very rare to find in other states, but I would also be able to afford to provide for my daughter and not have to struggle as much. My family have stated several times that they would provide any support they could and would be grateful to have the time back that was stolen from them. Even though my family lives in Chicago, IL, they have Always maintained contacted with my daughter.

I want nothing more than to be able to wake up and know that I have a stable home for my daughter, a career knowing that I Worked very hard for, income determined by education and Not by welfares requirements... My daughter deserves a life that I more than know I am capable of giving her once we are allowed to return to Chicago, IL.

If if fact, I am not allowed to return to Chicago, IL, not only would Goshen Family Court be denying my daughter a quality life. But they would also be denying me, as her mother, my right as an American Citizen to seek higher education to provide a better life for my daughter, obtain a job that would provide us income that would allow us to be independent of the Welfare system,  Freedom to pursue “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”