June 5th, 2010....
"Oh, you like it Rough?!, I'll show you rough." At this point he flings the baby onto the bed as I run towards the room the room door that leads to the kitchen. Cornered... He's got this stone cold look in his eye and not even blinking, and then it begins...
"Please, I can't breathe!" (The wall, really?! Breathe and try to relax. He'll let go.) Backed up against the wall with his hand around my throat is the position I found myself in. He's staring at me quietly but firmly saying "Shut up. Stop acting like you can't breath, like I'm hurting you." At this point I reach for his throat and try to grab him. I reach for his throat and he doesn't flinch, just stares at me and then throws me towards the floor. I get up and try to catch my footing but then I feel his hand at the back of my head and pushed into the wall, the wall cracks due to me being pushed into it.
"M, what the hell. You said things would change." Get to the door! Get to the door! Oh God, I can't leave baby girl here alone with him. Maybe if I'm near the door and try to open it for help someone will call the police. I stand up and there is a slap and then he spits in my face. I spit back and then he spits several more times in my face. I began to cry. At this point I'm beside the front door and standing face to face to him. "I want my baby! We need to leave, just let us leave!" I try to move past him to get to baby girl who is screaming her lungs out. He stands there blocking my efforts to get to baby girl. "You ain't going no where with my baby! You are Crazy and all I have to do is tell the courts that and you won't see her!"
Frantically, I began moving towards him. He blocks my path and I started to swing my fists. I was tired! All I wanted to do was get to baby girl and escape to the nearest sight of anyone for help. LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT! RIGHT! I didn't see it coming. As I had charged forward towards the room to get baby girl, I swung at Him and that's all I can recall. The next thing I Knew I was reaching for the door knob and then being dragged by the shreads of my shirt, by my neck. He began dragging me like a rag doll into the room. I was choking and couldn't breathe. I was too sore to try to stand up. He dragged me into the room and locked the door behind him.
I tried to move but he stood over me knee knocking me in the head with his knees every time I tried to move. I looked over at baby girl who was still crying. He then laid on top of me and began apologizing. "I'm sorry I'm sorry, please don't call the police. If you do you'll take me away from baby girl." "Please, I'm so sorry. You don't know how to be quiet and you make me do things like this."
At this point I knew he wasn't going to let me leave, and not with baby girl. So I what I had seen done so many times through out my child hood. I sat up and I held him. "It's ok." "It's my fault." "If only I had did what you said and just agreed with you." "Don't worry baby, I love you." "We are a family and I'll never break this family up by calling the police on you like last time." He seemed to calm down but still kept us all in the one room.
That night I had never been so afraid in my life until that very moment. I kept baby girl very near me and fed him lies to keep him calm. I began thinking of a place to go but there was none. I kept thinking of family to call but family was home in Chicago. They had no clue about what was going on. How could I tel them that I had went to a whole other state to try to work things out with a man who had beaten me while pregnant and so on. I felt horrible for leaving the short time before because of baby girl. "You don't want her to grow up having issues like you because you left me now do you?" "She is not going to like that you kept me away from her if you leave me." "No one will like or respect a single mother either." "All I have to do is tell the courts that you have mental health issues and you'll never see baby girl again. I'll put your ass on child support too!"
These are the things that kept me with him. The fear of not being believed or being protected. No one ever believed the women I knew who were being abused so why would they believe me. There were so many thoughts running through my mind regarding safety, lawyers, and getting back home to Chicago, Il which seemed impossible. This still seems impossible...
On June 4th 2010 I left our family back home in Chicago, Il thinking I had made the right decision. HE had promised to change and we'd go to couples counseling before we got married later that year. I promised to be more patient with him finding a job and more understanding. We both made promises to each other and like always I had set high personal goals for myself to give baby girl a good life regardless if we stayed together or not. What I didn't know is what lied ahead once I arrived to NY.
A few days before I left Chicago for NY, I remember watching an episode of the Tyra Banks Show on tv. Her guest had survived domestic violence and were sharing their stories. At the end of the show she urged women to seek help if they were being abused...
I arrived to NY on June 4th 2010 at 4:32 pm and that following day, June 5th 2010 I had five blows to the head, a concussion, dislocated jaw, and was spitting up blood due to being choked by my daughters father, all by 4:32pm that evening...
I now see that the warning was through Tyra Banks herself. All I know is that in the back of my mind I knew coming to NY was going to be a mistake and this complete stranger on tv was talking about the very thing that was about to happen to me, again...
No comments:
Post a Comment